I love Tom Cruise.
No, seriously! It’s not a shameful admission, or guilty pleasure of mine nor have I gone mad and jumped on a sofa to declare said madness.
Most people think of Mission Impossible when they hear Tom Cruise and Scientology and his crazy sofa jump but let’s not forget he is actually an incredible actor and really gives a film character whenever he appears.
He’s what Nicholas Cage would be if he had credible acting talent.
For instance, do you know he does all his stunts himself? Yeah, still. He has done some crazy shit no other actor worth millions would readily do.
Remember in Ghost Protocol he’s climbing that tall ass building in Dubai? Yeah, he did that.
In MI2’s opening, he is free climbing, yeah he did that too.
And that famous scene in the first MI with the massive fish tank breaking and 16 tonnes of water crashing out? Yeah, it was him, it was all him.
Now sit back and remember the greatest films you probably enjoyed that had TC in it, starting with…
#1 Mission Impossible 1,2,3, Ghost Protocol
Mission Impossible is what Bond was for the older generation, just with a bit more fun and less sexism. Unlike The Bourne films or the newer Bond films, Mission Impossible sequels still capture the fun and excitement you felt when the infamous opening music started in the very first film (and which Limp Bizkit almost ruined).
Greatest scene: Ethan Hunt on wires, you all know that one:
#2 Rain Man
A broke guy learns he has an autistic brother who inherited the vast fortune their father left after his death. In order to get the money he takes his brother out of a mental institution in the hope that he would get custody of the brother and therefore the money. He soon learns that his brother has exceptional abilities which he then exploits to count cards at casinos.
TL;DR: It’s emotional and I cried. A truly fine film staring TC and Dustin Hoffman.
Greatest scene: When Charlie (TC) shows Raymond (Hoffman) how to dance
Do you like Fedoras or Trilby hats? Do you know the difference between them? Do you have a neckbeard? Do you read the Bro Bible and think negging women will get you sex? You might as well have been in the audience of Tom Cruise’s character in this film.
TC plays a sexist asshole who publishes books and gives talks on how to control women because they just won’t sleep with you. He is sleazy, disgusting and absolutely brilliant. This film explores a little more about people’s character and how their stories come together in the end, yeah, one of those films!
Greatest scene: When TC riles up his audience of “nice guys” and gives his “respect the cock” speech.
Too good for just a gif, this is something you need to watch: “SUCK MY BIG FAT SAUSAGEEEEEERRRRR”
#4 Minority Report
Blade Runner of its time. Minority Report is a superb sci-fi that doesn’t get enough recognition.
TC plays a cop in the future where crime is predicted before they happen and people are arrested before they commit it. It was and infallible method until TC is accused of murder. He does everything to prove he will be innocent while still questioning the system he trusted fully.
Honourable mention: Colin Farrell is doing a pretty good job here too.
When TC uses future technology to analyse crimes. He uses his hands in the air, but somehow the data is saved on big ass slates, err cloud storage anyone?
#5 Interview with a Vampire
Yeah YOU FORGOT IT WAS TC DIDN’T YOU? Alongside Brad Pitt, there’s this super homoerotically charged film about vampires long before Stephanie Meyer had a wet dream about them glittery beasts.
Through flashbacks, Brad Pitt gives an interviewer (Christian Slater) a glimpse into the life as a vampire and the lols and banter that goes with it. TC is naturally the baddie and bucktoothed Kirsten Dunst plays an annoying little girl, so herself.
Greatest scene: When the vampire community watches theatre. Grotesque and beautiful.
#6 Edge of Tomorrow
Apart from the fact that this is probably the most overlooked film of 2014 and easily one of the best last year, TC does a superb job being the all smiles coward who doesn’t want to fight on the front line when earth is attacked by aliens.
This is a sci-fi Groundhog Day and is entertaining from beginning to end. Must Watch.
Greatest scene: The battle on Normandy beach, the whole scene with the crazy aliens is surreal, terrifying and exciting.
#7 The Last Samurai
Oh yeah. He went there. He went there and did a good job.
TC is an officer of the US army and is asked to train the Japanese first army so they can whoop the revolting samurai’s asses ( yeah I have no idea), but when he is captured by the rebels, he realises that the samurai culture is just right for him and embraces it; falls in love.
Sounds terrible but the absolutely on fleek acting by TC and co made this film a quite stunning film about the differences in cultural values.
Greatest scene: Beautiful scene of TC training up.
There are another maybe 10 movies I could have mentioned (I know, Top Gun, Risky Business etc.) but this post is long enough as it is and the above 7 are my favourites.
I hope you realise now that Tom Cruise is the shitzzz and if not: