It’s Christmas in two days but I think with everyone and their dog talking about Christmas, either positively or negatively, I am safe to believe that everyone’s now sick of it and don’t want any more tips/threats on that matter. Ok.
So instead it may be time to jump on the other bandwagon of New Years and the resolutions that are inevitably to follow.
Depending on how serious you take this charade, you may already have a list that pretty much reads like last year’s or you won’t bother at all (but secretly have one in your mind).
I on the other hand have a resolution or a solution to the resolution, one that won’t make you feel guilty or regretful in February.
I mean, who really likes to plan a guaranteed failure? BlackBerry I suppose but that’s a different story.
Tackling the most common resolutions, I’ll give you an easy to follow guide through them and how to possibly even stick to them (or at least for longer than you would’ve done).
Resolution #1: “I’ll join the gym!”
For most people, this would have popped up once or twice (or every year) and depending on how much willpower you posses (if you have to wait until January the 1st probably not much)you are likely to have discarded your gym membership at around March time. Leaving the account to run for another 2 months before conceding and cancelling the membership by ashamedly ringing up the gym or doing it online, sneakily cancelling the direct debit.
But it doesn’t have to be this way, First of all, eating tons of rich food and consuming an average of 500 kcal more a day over the festive period and an astounding 6000 kcal on Christmas day, no wonder you feel guilty when New Years Eve arrives and the stuff you bought for it suddenly seems awfully snug.
But think about it, the decision to start something as committed as a membership where you pay money to some soulless company every month to feel like shit for the first couple of months seems like a more in depth soul searching matter than a few clicks and the security code on the back of your card.
My Resolution Solution:
It’s easy, let January roll over and do nothing. This may sound counter productive but wait at least until February before singing up to anything. Don’t be tempted by “new year new you” offers of no joining fees and the smiley gym consultants almost giving you hand jobs in order to get you signed up.
If by Feb you still want to join, you’re more likely to stick to it rather than it being a fad (do we still use the word “fad”? Or is it self descriptive now?).
If you are particularly guilt ridden and want to do something rather than nothing for a month, go running outside. Yes, if you are serious about it (one year I went for a run at 6am on New Year’s Day), run outside.
Resolution #2: “I’ll quit smoking!”
Part of the new year health plan is to quit smoking for a lot of people. It’s a good time too, you’re less likely to be out partying for a while and everyone’s skint due to the 6+ weeks between pay days. Perfect, right? No! Just like the gym thing above, if you need a whole new year in order to stop giving yourself cancer, then you’re probably not cut out to quit.
My Resolution Solution:
Quit before the new year, In fact, start at Christmas and don’t stop at New Years eve. Why you ask?
Not being a smoker myself I’ve been told by many smokers that the more testing times are the ones when they drink or have a stressful time. What can be more boozy and stressful than Christmas and New Years? Nothing. So if you can make it cold turkey through those times which are challenging to anyone even without an addiction, then January will seem like a breeze. no parties, no extended families.
Resolution #3: “I’ll drink less this year, seriously.”
Looking through your Facebook year in review, you might notice that in most of the photos you are holding booze. This may be the worst kept secret, you’re bit of a booze hound. You like alcohol and alcohol likes you.Next year however will be different. More outdoor walks, more quality time, less drink. Or so you think.
Instead of giving yourself a sober month, sober 3 months or in general a sort of deadline, strategise your boozing. if you are just a Vodka + mixer drinker you are beyond my help.
if you however find yourself liking many, many varieties of booze from beer to gin to wine, then you have the problem of choice.
Choose a drink (or two if you insist) for each quarter of the year, for example,
January-March it’s Rum and Ale
April – June It’s Gin and Cider
July-Sept It’s Beer and Red Wine
October – December It’s Mulled stuff.
Limiting yourself to certain alcohosl means first and foremost, you will not mix too much and your hangover will be less severe but it also means you are probably less likely to drink too much of the same stuff. Or, I don’t know, try and only drink single shots and half pints! I have not perfected this one…
New Years Resolution #4: “I’ll be a better person!”
You want to be nicer to your fellow human beings, nicer to your family, nicer to your friends and work colleagues. Be more empathetic and less egocentric. Good for you.
JUST STOP BEING A DICK.
Do you really need a resolution to be a nicer person?! Jeez.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.